It's Not Just About The Jeans

Seriously, it's not a fluke. I put on my sweat pants today and I could have sworn they were baggier than normal. I'm thinking it's probably my imagination. They're sweat pants. They're supposed to be baggy. But even my sweater was drooping off my shoulder a little. That's odd. Whatever. So my clothes are a little baggy. So later on this evening, I wondered "what if... what if I'm releasing more weight... getting a little smaller in size... let's put this to the test." I walked into my closet and moved to the left of the rack, where my smaller sizes are kept. That's what I do. I keep the smaller sizes on the left and the larger sizes on the right. And the jeans are also categorized by color, as are my t-shirts. Call me crazy, or obsessed, if you want. I call that organized. I never have to wonder where a particular item of clothing is! But if truth be known, you should see my sock drawer. Not so tidy!

So anyway, I quickly found my size eight jeans that have been patiently awaiting my attention for, oh, months and months! You see, a couple years ago I carefully folded and tucked those jeans away in a box - not to be discarded or forgotten, but rather contained and preserved, like a mistress in waiting, dutifully biding her time until her suitor returned for her once again. But when I had finally reached my goal of size 12, for continued inspiration, I took out my size ten jeans and hung them up - by style and color. Left to right. And for giggles and grins, I released my size eights from the confines of seclusion in their turret. After all, that's where mistresses and ladies in waiting... wait. Or in the case of my jeans, in a box. But now they are on the rack in my closet, free!

With just a speck of ambivalence, I slipped on the size eights. Yes. I slipped them on. And zipped them. And buttoned them. And I examined myself in the mirror and thought "WOW!" And I did a little dance and sang a little song, and was just a little bit thrilled. But that's just one pair of jeans. What about the other two pairs. Let's just cut to the chase and let me tell you, they all fit beautifully! It's not a fluke!

You must understand something. In my 30’s and 40’s, my health took a nose dive, and my waistline expanded because of this. And then I became more and more unhealthy, and bigger, and more exhausted… until I reached a point of realization. I might very well die young if I don’t take control of my health now. So having been in deep depression for much of my adult life, feeling sick all the time, experiencing headaches nearly on a daily basis, and unable to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time every night, and then not being able to fall back to sleep, among many other things… you can see now why I’m so overjoyed to be sharing this little victory with you. Maybe you can see now that I’m not just on a diet, and I’m not just losing weight. I’ve made a choice about how I feed my body. I am realizing my goals that I used to be too afraid to set for myself. I am living my dreams of having a healthy body that moves smoothly and glides through life with ease. It’s not just about the jeans. Every day I get to look at myself in the mirror and say “There you are! Where have you been for the last twenty years? I’ve missed you!”

F.E.A.R.

Recently I had the displeasure of being coached by a powerful and influential man. He called me because someone I know referred me to him, and she gave him my phone number. I didn't mind. I mean, oh my god, this guy who is busy and coaches for ten hours a day and conducts workshops and seminars and raises up millionaires called me on the phone. I returned his call right away. So he asked me how he could help me. I told him I needed guidance on how to be a successful network marketer. Then, after about 30 minutes of deep and painful questions, and five minutes of insulting assessment, I hired the guy. I didn't know why. I didn’t even know how much he charged. But what he said to me, how he assessed me, how he inquisitively probed my psyche and my soul... it really affected me. I cried. I was pissed off. And honestly, I didn’t like him one bit. But I was resolute. I didn't know why, but I knew this guy could possibly be what I needed to shake me up enough and force me to really look deep at the reasons I was holding myself back.

That's right, I said "holding myself back". I am my main obstacle to my success. My self-limiting beliefs are another obstacle. Maybe that’s one in the same. I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll find out. I feared things, but what were those things? That night after he coached me, I had a dream, but that dream will be shared another time, perhaps in my memoir that I am in the process of writing. We'll see. But when I awoke the next morning, I experienced a clarity about something in my life that I had only considered half-heartedly, and thought that I had overcome it anyway, so why bother to consider it any further. Friday morning, the day after the coaching session, I asked myself "what am I afraid of?" Now when I have answered that question in the past, the answer has usually been "I'm afraid of failing." But then someone offered the suggestion that perhaps I was afraid of succeeding. No, neither of those felt right to me, neither of those resonated as truth in my soul. What am I afraid of... what am I afraid of... what am I afraid of...

I am afraid that it's true that I suck. I am afraid that it's true that I really can't do it. I'm afraid that I really don't have what it takes to be successful. I'm afraid that whatever I set out to accomplish will be just a pipe dream. I’m not a poker player, but I see my F.E.A.R. and I raise it "so what's next?" I felt my fear at that moment of clarity, and I know this to be true because emotions welled up inside me, a dread and a doom that I haven't felt in a very long time. I felt the feelings, and then I empathized with that scared little girl inside of me, and said "Okay, that's what's going on now, and it's okay that you're feeling these emotions, because it is scary and it is a little unsettling. Now, what’s next for you?” At that time, the adult woman inside said “I acknowledge you, scary fear-monster, and I set you free. I want peace in my spirit, at the core of who I am; peace and fear cannot coexist, just as love and hate cannot coexist.” And it was at that moment that I decided to release the fear and feel the peace of which I am so deserving, a peace that I haven’t quite entertained in the past. Yeah, I know, I have read Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Eckart Tolle, and other spiritually affirming books. I’ve tried yoga. I’ve tried positive self-talk. And although continuing reading these types of books written by inspirational people will keep reminding me to sit in and with peace, only I have the power to keep myself there.

But one thing is certain: since feeling, empathizing, acknowledging and releasing my F.E.A.R., suddenly I was able to move through my day with a different kind of confidence, and, dare I say, a peace inside that fills me with a belief in what I do and the reasons I do it, and more importantly, a belief in myself. So, do I like the guy? Right now I don’t think so, but I do respect him. And do I think he’s going to rock my world? Absolutely!

Journey Of A Lifetime - Part 2

As you know, one purpose of my blog is to share some of my personal perspectives on things that are important to me at the moment du jour – thoughts that come from my heart and soul that move me. One of those things is my previously declining health and increasing weight. But these days, my weight has been drastically decreased, and my health is better than it’s ever been! I had my regular blood work done in early February, and when I went back two weeks later for the results, the nurse practitioner I see for all of my visits was completely shocked at my results. She asked what I had been doing, and I enlightened her. The reason she was shocked was that since my previous blood work, my HDL cholesterol increased 13 points, and my LDL decreased by 11 points! She told me “that’s unheard of!” When I reminded her that I am not using any cholesterol lowering drugs, she leaned forward and said, more emphatically, “I know! That’s unheard of!” And this is sort of funny, because just a few years ago, when I was experiencing a little bit of chest pain, my doctor sent me to a cardiologist for a “full work-up” which included a thallium treadmill test, some fancy heart scan, and an echocardiogram. One funny thing about that experience was that they could not find any plaque buildup in my arteries, my heart was pumping perfectly, and I passed the treadmill test with flying colors. The other funny thing about that visit was that despite all those perfectly glowing test results, my cardiologist still felt the need to prescribe a cholesterol-lowering drug for me because, as he so bluntly put it, “you’ll never be able to lower your cholesterol on your own.” I said “watch me.” And just so you know, I never took the drug. The samples he gave me ended up in the trash.



I had previously been using a nutritional cleansing system but had stopped for reasons I won’t go into just yet (those things will be reserved for my book, and frankly, they are too sad to bring up now). I knew how powerfully beneficial those products were, and how they had transformed my health. I lost a whole bunch of weight and five pant sizes! After I restarted those products in March 2009, my health became transformed yet again! One of the nurse practitioners I see actually said to me “I want to be as healthy as you are!” Seriously, I have had no flu, no cough, no cold, no sinus infection, no sore throat, no headaches, no muscle or joint aches, no sleeplessness or tiredness, no mood swings, no getting up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat! None of that anymore! All of these problems which I previously endured for 15 years or more of my life – stopped dead in their tracks! My blood pressure was even starting to creep up into the 130’s/80’s. And now, my blood pressure is right back in a nice, normal healthy range of 110/60’s! And let’s just say, the results of my blood work have pleased my doctors and nurse practitioners! I have no plans to go back to that cardiologist in the future! (if you’d like more information about the system I am using, feel free to send me an e-mail: beth@TheHealthySpirit.com).

Signs... and Other Odd Phenomena

Used to be that I believed if it rained on your wedding day, it meant that you would need to carry an umbrella... not that it meant good luck. Or if you broke your mirror, then you would need to invest another few dollars in a new looking glass, lest you continue to view your face in several alternative realities simultaneously. Never really believed that it meant you would have bad luck for the next seven years. It was only in the last few years that I began to realize that the universe whispers in our ears messages that we are supposed to hear.

Yesterday morning, I was a bit rushed to get out the door to make it to my hair appointment in time. So I threw on the first clean t-shirt I could find. I put it on and realized it had a very faint blue-tinged ring, about the size of a silver dollar. It was not a blob, or a spot of any kind; rather, it was as though someone took a thick marker and drew a somewhat irregularly shaped circle on my shirt, directly over my right breast. I was in a hurry, so I wore the shirt anyway. Upon arrival to my appointment, as I took my seat belt off, not only was the circle more pronounced, there were TWO circles, interlocking, as if some mysterious message was being emblazoned on my shirt by alien beings designing a new crop circle. That's odd, I thought. And a bit of a bummer, since I really like this t-shirt, and now it's not good for much more than wearing around the house.

But tonight, as I took the wet laundry out of the washer, I noticed another favorite shirt had the same mysterious circle - directly over my right breast. I read recently that if we do not take time to listen to the whispers, then pretty soon we'll be forced to listen to the screams. I do not need to be reminded again. It's time for my annual mammogram.

Pescetarian - NOT Presbyterian

I thought I was a vegetarian. Did you know that vegetarians do not eat fish? I did not know that! I was of the belief that if one did not consume bipeds or quadripeds, then one would refer to oneself as a vegetarian. Someone told me recently that I'm a pescetarian. I decided to do a little research, so I consulted Wikipedia. What a wonderful resource that is! According to Wikipedia, vegetarians consume a plant based diet which includes grains. I do not consume milk, eggs or honey either, so does this make me a vegan? However, although I do not drink milk, I do eat some forms of dairy, and there is a very high-quality dairy product in my protein shakes. So does this make me a lacto-vegetarian? Apparently not.

Who am I, then? I suppose I am a pescetarian, which falls into the category of semi-vegetarian, one who consumes fish and sometimes other seafood, but not bipeds or quadripeds. So technically, although this term is not listed in Wikipedia, I may be referred to as a lacto-pescetarian, one who consumes a largely plant-based and grain-based diet with fish and other seafood delicacies to be enjoyed ad libitum, in addition to some forms of dairy, but not milk.

So that settles it! From here forward, I will refer to myself as a lacto-vege-pescetarian... that's pescetarian, not Presbyterian! And I'll have a glass of your best chardonnay to go with that, please!

One of Those Days

Today is one of those days. Did you ever have one, you know, a day where you feel enlightened and inspired and busy and tired and successful and a failure and driven and slothful, all in the same breath? Today is one of those days. What do we do with days like those? Are we supposed to choose one way to feel and then go with it, whether we believe that feeling or not? Or is it a better idea to crawl into a hole and just wait until we feel more like poking our head out into the world and saying, in our tiniest of voices, "hi... um... yeah, it's me again, I'm still here", hoping someone hears us, and takes our hand and pulls us out of our hiding place, presenting us to the world once again?

Ever have one of those days where you just don't know what to do or which direction to follow? I mean, seriously, even the wind is blowing in six different directions. How on earth am I supposed to choose a direction to follow? Even if I did "go where the wind blows," I'd be going in six different directions. But if history is any kind of a teacher, I should know by now that when I have a day like this, it's usually just a day like this, and tomorrow probably won't be a day like this. Perhaps my soul feels unsettled and unheard. Perhaps I've been moving off a path that I am supposed to be following. Maybe, just maybe, I haven't even stumbled upon the path of my destiny, and my soul is stirring in anxious anticipation, waiting for me to get a clue.

Maybe... but I think I'm just having one of those days.

Shifting

On January 25, 2010 a major and unexpected shift occurred in my life. It felt a bit surreal, actually, when it occurred and I proclaimed it to the universe. All I knew at the moment was that it was true, and I didn’t question this shift. But I did wonder whether I would cave, and go back to my usual ways. That has been my experience in the past – I used to give up easily. The shift was unlike anything I had experienced before. There was a palpable heat behind my proclamation, a passion you might say. There is something called “a priori” knowledge. This is knowledge that is not learned in the traditional sense of books and classroom education, nor is it learned by life experience; rather, it is an innate knowing of sorts, a knowledge deep within the soul. On the day of my proclamation, I knew this to be true. My new truth is this: I am a vegetarian. This is to say that I decided on that sunny Sunday afternoon that I would no longer consume animal meat or eggs. However, I will still consume fish and shellfish. Now, remember my earlier statement in a previous post about baby steps. That’s what this is – a baby step toward even greater health and enlightenment.

For years I have known about the unjustified and often brutal mistreatment of animals raised for food, but I turned a blind eye in favor of a juicy garlic burger slathered in a variety of dressings and condiments and dripping with thick cheddar cheese. It took just one more graphic story to bring me to the tipping point and push me over that edge of decision. Please do not ask me to reiterate the information that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Suffice it to say, I no longer crave that burger, or any other red, white, or pink meat whatsoever. Six days later, I eliminated coffee and cow’s milk from my nutrition regimen, in favor of black tea with agave nectar. Since these items have been banned from my bodily experience, I have developed an unusual, earthy sense of calm, and I have noticed that the symptoms associated with my asthma are beginning to wane. In addition, I have been sleeping without pharmaceutical assistance for nearly a week. Now whether some or all of these little victories are due to the black tea, or to the acupuncture, or the herbs prescribed by my acupuncturist, I do not know for certain. What I do know is that my taste buds have come alive and are experiencing food on a whole new and exciting level. A major shift has occurred, and it feels good. Very, very good.