A little bit out of the ordinary - that's what my day was like today. Of course, I woke up at the same time, carried out my usual morning routine, and started work at the regular time. But I awoke with two intentions today, one of which was that I would take my lunch time at Starbucks today, just to sit in the sun and enjoy a delicious cup of coffee. I would not take a book with me, nor would I chat with someone on the phone, or check Facebook. Rather, I would sit, and sip my coffee, and be still. There is so much commotion, so much stress, so much "doing" in the world - by me and by others - it was time to move myself out of my mundane routine and go somewhere different, and be still.
So I ordered my cinnamon dolce latte (in case you were wondering, this is my new favorite Starbucks beverage), and I sat in the sun. It was warm, and well, actually a little too warm! That lasted for about five minutes until I moved into the shade. As I settled into the comfortable shade, I listened to the music playing, and said "okay, now I will be still." I observed everything around me - the cars driving by, the woman in the parking lot pushing an empty shopping cart, a child running to the pizza place next door, a bird chirping...
A bird chirping! Well, that just made me happy! Where was it coming from, that beautiful song? I just knew it was the bougainvillea plant next to my table, but I couldn’t see the bird. Why can’t I see that bird? Where is it hiding? I must see that little bird!
Out of nowhere, someone, something spoke to me: Why do you feel the need to see the bird? And I answered that someone or something: Because I want to see that sweet little bird? And then came: Why must you see the bird to know it’s there? Good question. I do not need proof that the bird is there. Its song is all I need to reassure me that it’s presence is real. And then within moments, as if on cue from God himself, the bird stepped out onto the outermost branch, perched in my direction, and sang its little heart out to me, as if he was serenading me! And I learned that if I had jumped up to see that little bird when I wanted to, I would have missed the opportunity to experience the bird as it was intended to be experienced, and I would have missed out on a special symphony of nature.
Today I learned how important it is to be observant of everything around me, and to allow events to unfold as they are meant to unfold, without forcing, without fighting, without influencing an outcome. The bliss is in the waiting and observation of the world as it is. Namaste, my friends…
Thursday, March 18, 2010
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Canine Antics
I feel compelled to share a sweet little story with you. Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I just absolutely adore my dogs (or as is the current situation, dog - singular). My dog is my life. She is my child. She is a living being who depends on me for food, love, shelter, care, and tummy rubs. Her name is Emma, and she brings such exquisite joy to my life.
A couple weeks ago I walked by our patio door to see something odd laying out in our back yard. I walked up to this object. It was yellow. It was my asthma inhaler! And the cap was sitting next to it on the ground. It wasn't damaged at all, just laying there, all by itself. I immediately knew who the culprit was. It had to have been Emma, so my husband and I had a little chuckle over that.
Today, taking a break from a tediously long morning of work (yes, three hours felt like an entire day already), I was ready for lunch. As I walked downstairs, I noticed some items on our coffee table were askew. My camera had been knocked onto the floor. A book I am reading was on the floor as well. Things were just a bit messed up on the table. As I walked past the patio door again, I saw another curious object outside, in pretty much the same spot as my inhaler was just a couple weeks before. I walked over to this object, and found it was a CD, still in its little envelope. It hadn't been damaged at all. Not a scratch or a tear or a smudge on it. Emma had carried outside yet another item of mine!
Did she do this because she wanted to have something of mine near her when she spends time out there? Or, is it because maybe I'm not spending enough time with my baby girl. I don't know. But when she came downstairs about a minute after I did today, she was practically smiling. She knows she's a rascal... she just wanted to see if I knew it too!
If you are lucky and blessed enough to have an animal in your lives as a beloved pet, you know that they do not expect much from humans, other than the basic needs. Yet they give us so much more – acceptance, unconditional love, and endless amusement. I took these little antics of hers as a personal message to spend a little bit more quality time with her.
Emma makes me smile more honestly than anyone I know, and she fills my heart with such love. Needless to say, she got a little extra attention from me today... and I think this weekend, we’ll have bagels at Einstein’s, and she’ll enjoy her very own doggy bagel!
A couple weeks ago I walked by our patio door to see something odd laying out in our back yard. I walked up to this object. It was yellow. It was my asthma inhaler! And the cap was sitting next to it on the ground. It wasn't damaged at all, just laying there, all by itself. I immediately knew who the culprit was. It had to have been Emma, so my husband and I had a little chuckle over that.
Today, taking a break from a tediously long morning of work (yes, three hours felt like an entire day already), I was ready for lunch. As I walked downstairs, I noticed some items on our coffee table were askew. My camera had been knocked onto the floor. A book I am reading was on the floor as well. Things were just a bit messed up on the table. As I walked past the patio door again, I saw another curious object outside, in pretty much the same spot as my inhaler was just a couple weeks before. I walked over to this object, and found it was a CD, still in its little envelope. It hadn't been damaged at all. Not a scratch or a tear or a smudge on it. Emma had carried outside yet another item of mine!
Did she do this because she wanted to have something of mine near her when she spends time out there? Or, is it because maybe I'm not spending enough time with my baby girl. I don't know. But when she came downstairs about a minute after I did today, she was practically smiling. She knows she's a rascal... she just wanted to see if I knew it too!
If you are lucky and blessed enough to have an animal in your lives as a beloved pet, you know that they do not expect much from humans, other than the basic needs. Yet they give us so much more – acceptance, unconditional love, and endless amusement. I took these little antics of hers as a personal message to spend a little bit more quality time with her.
Emma makes me smile more honestly than anyone I know, and she fills my heart with such love. Needless to say, she got a little extra attention from me today... and I think this weekend, we’ll have bagels at Einstein’s, and she’ll enjoy her very own doggy bagel!
Friday, March 5, 2010
Heart's A-Flutter
A funny thing happened on the way to a dream last night. After about three hours of peaceful sleep, I was awakened to my own breathing. Have you ever felt your breathing when you've had a fever? The breathing is just a little bit quick, and a little bit shallow. It felt odd to me, especially since I had no fever, and felt physically fine the day before. But right now, not so much. I got up to use the bathroom, and felt a little sick to my stomach. Then it felt as though my heart was bouncing all over the place! I checked my pulse and was unable to discern an actual rhythm, so, being the nurse that I am, I remained calm and walked downstairs to the kitchen, where there is a clock with a second hand. I found my heart’s rhythm, and then counted… fast. 140 beats per minute. Okay, this is not normal. Could it be my thyroid again?
After about five minutes of rest, and to be perfectly honest, just a little bit of worry, I brushed my teeth and told my husband that I think it’s time we made a visit to the emergency room. Now, if you know me at all, or if you know any nurses for that matter, you are aware that we are the worst patients! Usually nurses don’t set foot in a hospital, no matter what the problem is. And if you know me personally, you know I prefer holistic cures that address the real root cause, rather than allopathic treatments that ameliorate the symptoms and ignore the cause. I walked into to the ER and called to the triage nurse, who was busy chatting with her colleague and watching some late night TV show. When she didn’t respond, I felt it was more important to use the restroom again than wait for her to acknowledge me. On my way back, she did acknowledge my presence and swiftly checked me in. Of course I was feeling better by then, but an EKG was done anyway and my heart rate was down to 106. My blood pressure and my temperature were checked – both normal, and she assured me that I did the right thing by coming in. Minutes later, after the doctor had examined me, she informed me that in addition to running a routine panel of blood work, she would also check my thyroid level as well as do a test to determine whether I had a blood clot in my lung. Oh, I hadn’t even considered that.
An hour after my blood was drawn, a different nurse came into my little holding area to administer Tylenol. But I didn’t need Tylenol, and I asked her why she thought I needed it. And this is what she said: “It will make you feel better.” “But I feel fine right now,” I said, “and I have no headache, or body aches, or anything that would require an analgesic.” She said “it’s safer than Motrin.” I reminded her that I am not in need of an analgesic to reduce any physical discomforts, because I was not experiencing any physical discomforts. She said to me “so, do you want me to cancel this?” I told her “yes, please cancel the Tylenol, and throw it away, because I’m not taking it.” This is a major bone of contention for me. It felt like a pharmaceutical assault, and I was not about to play victim. Too many drugs are pushed legally on too many unwitting participants in the game of pharmaceutical profit. A major bone of contention for me…
As I waited for my lab results to come back, against my better judgment, I submitted to a dose of radiation via x-ray to determine whether I had an enlarged heart. Standing there, it felt as if I was a character in a bad sci-fi film, and I could practically hear the music in the background, low, deep, and sinister… that sort of music the audience hears that warns them of impending disaster. After my lab tests came back, the doctor informed me that my thyroid level was low, which indicates an overactive thyroid (if the level is high, it means that the thyroid gland is pumping too hard to get even a little bit of the essential thyroid hormone secreted, and now it was not having to work so hard to secrete that hormone). So after 17 years of having hypothyroidism, I now have hyperthyroidism! However, the test to determine whether I may have a pulmonary embolism, however vague the meaning of the result, was elevated. So a CT scan was next on the agenda. So here I go again, back to radiology, to submit to an even more toxic assault on my body, with poisonous contrast dye ready to be injected into my veins. In retrospect, I should have refused the chest x-ray and told them that if the test to determine whether I had a clot in my lung was positive, I would agree to the CT scan, because after all, you can have a nice look-see at my heart that way too, and I could have avoided the extra radiation.
In any event, both tests were done, and both tests were negative for any problem. It was indeed my thyroid, as I had initially thought. So the nurse who tried to give me Tylenol for no good reason came back to remove my IV line, and she told me to continue taking my medications as I have been. I was quick to remind her that with a change in my thyroid level, my doctor would want to decrease my medication dose, and it may be actually dangerous for me to continue taking my mediations “as directed.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t appreciate her very much at that time, either. When I worked in the hospital… ah, well, that’s for another time.
So the point to this whole long and drawn-out blog post? My nurse practitioner told me a few weeks ago that at some point, with all the weight loss and the incredible health I was enjoying, she would eventually need to decrease the dose of my thyroid medication. Now is the time, and she did, and I’m really sort of overjoyed! Because it just means that I have given my body a chance to heal itself with amazing super-nutrition, and my body, being the miracle that it was meant to be, isn’t letting me down. So my heart’s all a-flutter for so many reasons!
After about five minutes of rest, and to be perfectly honest, just a little bit of worry, I brushed my teeth and told my husband that I think it’s time we made a visit to the emergency room. Now, if you know me at all, or if you know any nurses for that matter, you are aware that we are the worst patients! Usually nurses don’t set foot in a hospital, no matter what the problem is. And if you know me personally, you know I prefer holistic cures that address the real root cause, rather than allopathic treatments that ameliorate the symptoms and ignore the cause. I walked into to the ER and called to the triage nurse, who was busy chatting with her colleague and watching some late night TV show. When she didn’t respond, I felt it was more important to use the restroom again than wait for her to acknowledge me. On my way back, she did acknowledge my presence and swiftly checked me in. Of course I was feeling better by then, but an EKG was done anyway and my heart rate was down to 106. My blood pressure and my temperature were checked – both normal, and she assured me that I did the right thing by coming in. Minutes later, after the doctor had examined me, she informed me that in addition to running a routine panel of blood work, she would also check my thyroid level as well as do a test to determine whether I had a blood clot in my lung. Oh, I hadn’t even considered that.
An hour after my blood was drawn, a different nurse came into my little holding area to administer Tylenol. But I didn’t need Tylenol, and I asked her why she thought I needed it. And this is what she said: “It will make you feel better.” “But I feel fine right now,” I said, “and I have no headache, or body aches, or anything that would require an analgesic.” She said “it’s safer than Motrin.” I reminded her that I am not in need of an analgesic to reduce any physical discomforts, because I was not experiencing any physical discomforts. She said to me “so, do you want me to cancel this?” I told her “yes, please cancel the Tylenol, and throw it away, because I’m not taking it.” This is a major bone of contention for me. It felt like a pharmaceutical assault, and I was not about to play victim. Too many drugs are pushed legally on too many unwitting participants in the game of pharmaceutical profit. A major bone of contention for me…
As I waited for my lab results to come back, against my better judgment, I submitted to a dose of radiation via x-ray to determine whether I had an enlarged heart. Standing there, it felt as if I was a character in a bad sci-fi film, and I could practically hear the music in the background, low, deep, and sinister… that sort of music the audience hears that warns them of impending disaster. After my lab tests came back, the doctor informed me that my thyroid level was low, which indicates an overactive thyroid (if the level is high, it means that the thyroid gland is pumping too hard to get even a little bit of the essential thyroid hormone secreted, and now it was not having to work so hard to secrete that hormone). So after 17 years of having hypothyroidism, I now have hyperthyroidism! However, the test to determine whether I may have a pulmonary embolism, however vague the meaning of the result, was elevated. So a CT scan was next on the agenda. So here I go again, back to radiology, to submit to an even more toxic assault on my body, with poisonous contrast dye ready to be injected into my veins. In retrospect, I should have refused the chest x-ray and told them that if the test to determine whether I had a clot in my lung was positive, I would agree to the CT scan, because after all, you can have a nice look-see at my heart that way too, and I could have avoided the extra radiation.
In any event, both tests were done, and both tests were negative for any problem. It was indeed my thyroid, as I had initially thought. So the nurse who tried to give me Tylenol for no good reason came back to remove my IV line, and she told me to continue taking my medications as I have been. I was quick to remind her that with a change in my thyroid level, my doctor would want to decrease my medication dose, and it may be actually dangerous for me to continue taking my mediations “as directed.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t appreciate her very much at that time, either. When I worked in the hospital… ah, well, that’s for another time.
So the point to this whole long and drawn-out blog post? My nurse practitioner told me a few weeks ago that at some point, with all the weight loss and the incredible health I was enjoying, she would eventually need to decrease the dose of my thyroid medication. Now is the time, and she did, and I’m really sort of overjoyed! Because it just means that I have given my body a chance to heal itself with amazing super-nutrition, and my body, being the miracle that it was meant to be, isn’t letting me down. So my heart’s all a-flutter for so many reasons!
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