Life Is A Balancing Act

Today was a good day, a busy day, an everything day. It was one of those days where you just have a little bit of everything to do. Went to the gym, did my work, entertained the bug man, paid bills, answered e-mails, arranged a get-together for my work colleagues... later I’ll be plugging in to some training, and I’ll be starting work on my new blog space. Yes, it was a good day...

Even though yesterday I ate pasta. A lot of pasta. With homemade bolognese sauce. And mozzarella. And it was all very delicious! I was doing so well over the last week, following my schedule of protein shakes and cellular cleansing. But for some reason on Sunday it was decided that I would make pasta for dinner. I enjoyed every bite with very little guilt. Notice I said “very little”... I did feel some guilt for choosing this meal. I wondered why I chose to eat this high calorie comfort food. Turns out, I never did finish my meal, as I was completely stuffed half-way through!

Today I walked it off on the treadmill - 2.85 miles, 305 calories burned. Tomorrow I’ll try out the elliptical machine, maybe do some abdominal work too. Life is about finding balance, is it not? It’s about becoming aware of the reason we do the things we do, and taking action to begin to make choices that will serve us better. And it’s about enjoying the journey, taking in all the sights and sounds along the way, and being adventurous and brave enough to take an unfamiliar path that may lead us somewhere new and exciting. 

Today was a good day... it was a day of accomplishments, connections, and awareness, and it was a day I can be proud of. 

The "Cure" is PREVENTION

Written 08/26/10

Drug companies have found yet another way to ensure repeat customers. In today's edition of USA Today, an article highlights a "rare breakthrough that could revolutionize treatment" of melanoma. This is GREAT news for those diagnosed with melanoma. Prior to this new breakthrough drug, melanoma took lives within nine months of the diagnosis. This is certainly devastating for those affected, and their families. But a new drug has been shown to shrink the melanoma tumor, thus extending the lives of those affected, and making it possible to treat the tumor as though it were a chronic disease.

What does this mean? This means that for years after the diagnosis, the person with melanoma may be able to lead a relatively normal life, with the accompanying side effects of "fatigue, rash and joint pain... [and] non-lethal skin cancers." It is not known how many other side effects will be experienced and documented after this drug is on the market. We do know that this will be a highly expensive drug. How do we know this? Because all "promising" drugs are expensive, sometimes costing $10 per tablet or more. As our energy is drained from this new drug, so will our pockets be drained.

The KEY to health is not a medication. The key to health is PREVENTION. Our bodies have become starved of nutrition over the decades, thus leading to chronic illness. Your doctor will prescribe a pill to treat the symptoms of that illness, but rarely, if ever, will you find a doctor prescribing nutrition to treat what was the root cause of the illness in the first place. Vitamin D3 in and of itself boosts the body's immunity, making it stronger and able to resist illness. Vitamin D3 is also the link between calcium and bone health/strength. Not just calcium alone! Internal vitamin D is also activated by the sun. When we slather sunscreens all over our bodies, we prevent the activation of this critical vitamin. It is well known that 15-20 minutes of unprotected sun every day is enough for activation of vitamin D. It is no surprise that there has been an increase in rickets, a condition of the bones where the bones are soft and they bow; a condition found in babies as they begin to bear weight as they learn to stand and walk.

And I could go on and on about sunscreens, but I'll save that for another time.

Linus Pauling said that the root of all illness is a mineral deficiency. Did your doctor ever prescribe minerals? No, because he or she does not profit from them. If their patients became healthy, the doctors would go out of business! And did you know that the RDA (Recommended Daily Allowance) of vitamins and minerals is just enough to ensure minimal health? If the doctors stop prescribing medications because their patients are becoming healthy, the drug companies stop profiting. Do you see where I'm going with this?

Don't you owe it to yourself to do your research about whether a medication is really the right choice? For those who have been diagnosed with some illnesses, sometimes a medication is the only way. But you deserve to at least consider a holistic route before you jump in with blind faith and pop those pills.

Broken Garage Doors... and other excuses

Yesterday I was supposed to take my first Zumba class. It was scheduled for 7:30 pm, and I had planned to leave at 6:45, get there for 7:00, do a quick 15 minute warmup on the treadmill, and then jump into the class. 

That didn’t happen.

I realized at 6:13 pm that the class was at 6:30, not 7:30, so I sat there looking at the schedule, wondering for about a minute and a half “will I make it in time?” No... yes, if I hurry... no, you’ll have to drive pretty fast to get there in time... yes, go for it... no, you won’t make it, but you could go anyway and at least get some cardio on the treadmill... just do it... go... leave now!” So I got up, grabbed my stuff and walked out the door and opened the garage door. 

Which didn’t open. 

I pressed the button again, and it went down and up an inch, where it stopped. Strange. Tried it again... and again... and again. Same thing every time. What was it some genius said a long time ago? If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expect different results, you’re not the brightest bulb in the box... or something to that effect. So I went out the front door, got in my car, and tried it from the car. Nope. Same thing. The light of this bulb is dimming fast. 

Around 6:40 I decided I’d stick around the house, because I really didn’t understand what was going on with that door, and I didn’t want to leave with the possibility that it might actually open on its own, and leave the contents of our garage in plain view for everyone to see, and pick through if they wanted. Oh, yes, please, come pick through my garage! I’ve got so many items up for grabs: boxes, old stuffed animals, clothes that no longer fit, an old rickety plastic table, a mattress cover... and later in the evening I even discovered a multitude of black widow spiders! 

Wait... this feels familiar. I’m acutely aware that I’m using the broken garage door as an excuse to stay where I’m comfortable. To not go to the gym where I may be faced with uncertainty. Or sweat. Or muscle cramps. Or just plain hard work. And I made peace with myself and my excuse, and this time I didn’t beat myself up... as hard as I used to. 

So I made a pact with myself that, no matter what, I would take that Zumba class this morning. I did a 15 minute warm up on the treadmill (and, for those of you who don’t know what Zumba is, you really don’t need to warm up first). I chatted with a few women  as I waited for the class to start, and they were saying that “so and so is doing this class, she’s pretty good”. And then when we got in there, one of the women said to me “that’s not our usual instructor,” and I heard someone else say “she’s really tough.” 

Oh crap. Of all the Zumba instructors of all the Zumba classes in all the world, I had to walk into hers. Did I mention this is my very first Zumba class?

I’m usually up for a challenge, but c’mon, I’ve seen Zumba videos, and I really, really think I’m not ready for this. But I’m also not about to give up and quit early. What was it I said the other day? Oh, yes, this: 

“When you get the opportunity to dance, are you a wallflower, sitting on the sidelines? Or do you JUMP at the chance to do something unknown, and maybe even a little scary, even if you don’t know the steps? Not knowing the steps can be exciting! Today, EMBRACE your adventurous side and do something you never thought you’d do before!” 

That’s what I did today! I certainly did not know the steps. Every minute of that high intensity, heart pounding, calorie burning group workout felt like ten minutes of tortuous sweat and breathlessness to me! Fifteen minutes into this torture I took a quick drink, and I seriously thought “you know, if I left now, they’d understand, they know it’s my first time, they’ll understand, they won’t care.” 

But I chose to stay. Because I’d know. I’d care. 

You should have seen her go! That instructor was all over the place with her moves. It was quite the challenge just to keep up with her pace, let alone “get” the steps she was doing. And you should have seen me, moving all over the place, arms and legs flailing about. And as I’m sweating and breathing hard and flailing about, all the time I’m thinking “I’m doing it! I may not be doing it correctly, but I’m doing it!” 

So, even if you are approaching uncharted waters, considering doing something unknown, even a little scary, just do it anyway! I’m not the same person I was five years ago. I’m not the person I was a year and a half ago. And I sure as heck am not the same person as I was three days ago when I joined that gym! Every chance you have, I encourage you - no, I URGE you - to JUMP outside that box, break down those walls that you’ve felt so comfortable having surround you for so many years, and do something that you never thought you would do! 

You’ll be so happy you did, and you’ll be so proud of yourself! And yes, it’s okay to be proud of yourself! 

Holy Beads of Sweat Batman!

If you know me at all, you know that I absolutely dislike gyms. I absolutely do not like the artificial sounds and smells (um, and the organic smells too). The electronic buzzing and whirring of the machines, the music they play overhead, the public restrooms. I just don't like it one bit! I would much rather be on a challenging hiking trail in Sedona, or walking along the beach in the morning on the hard, wet virgin sand. But today I did it. 


I went to the gym.


Planned to take a class, but there weren't any going on when I got there. So I got on the treadmill. And wouldn't you know, as soon as I started walking I got a cramp in my leg! Oh come on! Are you kidding me? I stopped a couple times and rubbed it a little, and thought "I'm going nowhere fast doing it this way." And really, I was going nowhere fast. I was on a revolving belt, going in circles beneath my feet. 


But I stopped rubbing, and I started walking. And the music had a pretty good beat to it. Hmmm, this feels good... a little warm, but I'm not even out of breath ten minutes into the walk. Let's kick things up a notch! So I increased the angle, increased the speed, and started moving my arms, dancing a little, even singing along. Seriously! I'm doing this, and all these people start coming over to the treadmills, the ellipticals. Are they watching me? Yeah... THERE'S the sweat! And I started feeling the burn, and feeling a little winded. But that didn't stop me!


Today, after not exercising since 2005, I walked 2.82 miles and burned 283 calories! WOO HOOOO!! My back is a little sore, but the cramp in my leg stopped when I kicked it up a notch!


Now that's progress! 


Tomorrow night... ZUMBA! 

Anxiety Sets In...

Today I received the e-mail from Isagenix informing me that I have been officially registered for the IsaBody Challenge. The challenge starts today. But I haven’t taken my “before” photo yet because my husband won’t be home until Friday. I don’t have a USA Today paper for date verification. And since I decided to participate in the IsaBody Challenge half-way through my first of two cleanse days, I didn’t measure myself. Already I’m feeling anxiety. I’m starting off on the wrong foot!

This morning I went to my local gym and took a tour, and as I was guided around the place I started feeling like I was watching myself from afar, sort of like an out of body experience. This isn’t me, I’m not really doing this, and I don’t know why I’m kidding myself because I’ve never followed through with these sort of plans before. As I sat down at the sales desk and reviewed my options of a month to month membership, or an 18 month contract for $6 less per month, the anxiety set in again. Would I even go to the gym every day, let alone continue going for 18 months to make that option worth my while?

I decided that I didn’t have to concern myself with these details. They’re all going to work themselves out. So what if I didn’t measure myself - I’ll gauge things by the way my clothes fit. Or, I’ll measure myself tomorrow. Who cares if I didn’t take the photo on the exact day that I started! My husband will take it when he gets home. These things matter, but they don’t matter as much as my belief in myself. 

After I put in a day’s work, what will my priority be? It will be “me time” at the gym, in a Zumba class to energize my body that has been sitting in a chair all day long; or it will be a yoga class, to calm my frazzled mind. 

Today, I have defined what it means to take time out for me. This is a first. And there’s  no anxiety about that!

The Challenge Is On!

I don’t know if it was an epiphany, or whether it was all the little things that occurred in my life over the past 18 months, that made me say “I’m doing the IsaBody Challenge!”. But today I decided. When I took the first sip of my Cleanse drink in January 2005 I weighed 220 pounds and wore a size 18 pants. In four and a half months I had released 68 pounds and wore a size eight! I was elated! So much so that I celebrated quite frequently! I gained about 8 pounds back, but remained pretty stable. I was surprised when I realized that I had stopped craving the ice cream and pizza that had been the main staples of my diet for I don’t know how many years!

In 2007 I made choices that did not serve me and I chose to stop cleansing, stop drinking the shakes, and stop eating healthfully. My cravings for pizza and ice cream returned, and I gained back most of the weight and became depressed, and in March 2009 I sat in my doctor’s office in tears as I realized that I can’t live like this any more. It was either “not live”, or “do something.” At this time I weighed 203 pounds and wore a size 16. I already had hypothyroidism. My cholesterol was at an all time high, my blood sugar was bordering on high, and I had been diagnosed with insulin resistance. That’s another term for “pre-diabetes.” My blood pressure was also creeping up. As a registered nurse, this made me very uncomfortable. I was 46 years old and heading down a very slipperly slope, following in my father’s footsteps, and his father before him. It was that very day that I decided to integrate Isagenix into my life again. 

This time the weight came off more slowly, and I hit plateaus more frequently. But I persevered and followed the 30-day program, and eventually I broke through all the plateaus. That is until recently. 

It’s been about six months or so since I released 59 pounds, and I’ve been at a plateau since then. I’ll put a couple pounds on, take a couple pounds off. My weight is stable. I’m quite pleased with my progress and my ability to manage my eating by choosing healthy foods. Until today...

Today I said “enough is enough!” I reminded myself about the journey I have been on from the moment I was born... the decision in 2005 to take a different path with Isagenix. Has my journey been easy? Well, releasing the weight was easy, but the inner transformation has been painful and enlightening and frightening and uncertain and  exciting all at once. I was once someone who was very introverted to the point of isolating herself from social connections, someone who was insecure and afraid of “stepping outside the box”, a scared little girl who cried every day of her life because there was nothing else to feel. In the past five years, I took a step at a time, testing the waters, sometimes jumping back two steps for fear of the unknown, for fear of what waited for me in the deep dark waters. At times I remained paralyzed by the fear, running away from possibilities and opportunities. But in the past couple of years I started saying “who cares” and did it anyway. I started looking the fear square in the eye and challenging it - and myself - to move forward, to take risks. It no longer mattered whether I was good at what I was setting out to do, whether I had all the skills to perform at my best, heck, it didn’t even matter whether I knew anything at all about what I was about to do. I just started doing it! And in doing “it” I am becoming a person who I really, really like. 

So today I DECIDE to embark on the next part of my journey. As I began to transform my body, I transformed my inner self. And the new “me” is ready to take it to the next level, and complete the transformation. Funny thing... I have always been so good at going the extra mile for someone else, giving my love until my heart ached, going out of my way to make something possible for someone else. Today, I DECIDE that I am worth going the extra mile for myself!

Observations

A little bit out of the ordinary - that's what my day was like today. Of course, I woke up at the same time, carried out my usual morning routine, and started work at the regular time. But I awoke with two intentions today, one of which was that I would take my lunch time at Starbucks today, just to sit in the sun and enjoy a delicious cup of coffee. I would not take a book with me, nor would I chat with someone on the phone, or check Facebook. Rather, I would sit, and sip my coffee, and be still. There is so much commotion, so much stress, so much "doing" in the world - by me and by others - it was time to move myself out of my mundane routine and go somewhere different, and be still.

So I ordered my cinnamon dolce latte (in case you were wondering, this is my new favorite Starbucks beverage), and I sat in the sun. It was warm, and well, actually a little too warm! That lasted for about five minutes until I moved into the shade. As I settled into the comfortable shade, I listened to the music playing, and said "okay, now I will be still." I observed everything around me - the cars driving by, the woman in the parking lot pushing an empty shopping cart, a child running to the pizza place next door, a bird chirping...

A bird chirping! Well, that just made me happy! Where was it coming from, that beautiful song? I just knew it was the bougainvillea plant next to my table, but I couldn’t see the bird. Why can’t I see that bird? Where is it hiding? I must see that little bird!

Out of nowhere, someone, something spoke to me: Why do you feel the need to see the bird? And I answered that someone or something: Because I want to see that sweet little bird? And then came: Why must you see the bird to know it’s there? Good question. I do not need proof that the bird is there. Its song is all I need to reassure me that it’s presence is real. And then within moments, as if on cue from God himself, the bird stepped out onto the outermost branch, perched in my direction, and sang its little heart out to me, as if he was serenading me! And I learned that if I had jumped up to see that little bird when I wanted to, I would have missed the opportunity to experience the bird as it was intended to be experienced, and I would have missed out on a special symphony of nature.

Today I learned how important it is to be observant of everything around me, and to allow events to unfold as they are meant to unfold, without forcing, without fighting, without influencing an outcome. The bliss is in the waiting and observation of the world as it is. Namaste, my friends…

Canine Antics

I feel compelled to share a sweet little story with you. Anyone who knows me at all, knows that I just absolutely adore my dogs (or as is the current situation, dog - singular). My dog is my life. She is my child. She is a living being who depends on me for food, love, shelter, care, and tummy rubs. Her name is Emma, and she brings such exquisite joy to my life.

A couple weeks ago I walked by our patio door to see something odd laying out in our back yard. I walked up to this object. It was yellow. It was my asthma inhaler! And the cap was sitting next to it on the ground. It wasn't damaged at all, just laying there, all by itself. I immediately knew who the culprit was. It had to have been Emma, so my husband and I had a little chuckle over that.

Today, taking a break from a tediously long morning of work (yes, three hours felt like an entire day already), I was ready for lunch. As I walked downstairs, I noticed some items on our coffee table were askew. My camera had been knocked onto the floor. A book I am reading was on the floor as well. Things were just a bit messed up on the table. As I walked past the patio door again, I saw another curious object outside, in pretty much the same spot as my inhaler was just a couple weeks before. I walked over to this object, and found it was a CD, still in its little envelope. It hadn't been damaged at all. Not a scratch or a tear or a smudge on it. Emma had carried outside yet another item of mine!

Did she do this because she wanted to have something of mine near her when she spends time out there? Or, is it because maybe I'm not spending enough time with my baby girl. I don't know. But when she came downstairs about a minute after I did today, she was practically smiling. She knows she's a rascal... she just wanted to see if I knew it too!

If you are lucky and blessed enough to have an animal in your lives as a beloved pet, you know that they do not expect much from humans, other than the basic needs. Yet they give us so much more – acceptance, unconditional love, and endless amusement. I took these little antics of hers as a personal message to spend a little bit more quality time with her.

Emma makes me smile more honestly than anyone I know, and she fills my heart with such love. Needless to say, she got a little extra attention from me today... and I think this weekend, we’ll have bagels at Einstein’s, and she’ll enjoy her very own doggy bagel!

Heart's A-Flutter

A funny thing happened on the way to a dream last night. After about three hours of peaceful sleep, I was awakened to my own breathing. Have you ever felt your breathing when you've had a fever? The breathing is just a little bit quick, and a little bit shallow. It felt odd to me, especially since I had no fever, and felt physically fine the day before. But right now, not so much. I got up to use the bathroom, and felt a little sick to my stomach. Then it felt as though my heart was bouncing all over the place! I checked my pulse and was unable to discern an actual rhythm, so, being the nurse that I am, I remained calm and walked downstairs to the kitchen, where there is a clock with a second hand. I found my heart’s rhythm, and then counted… fast. 140 beats per minute. Okay, this is not normal. Could it be my thyroid again?

After about five minutes of rest, and to be perfectly honest, just a little bit of worry, I brushed my teeth and told my husband that I think it’s time we made a visit to the emergency room. Now, if you know me at all, or if you know any nurses for that matter, you are aware that we are the worst patients! Usually nurses don’t set foot in a hospital, no matter what the problem is. And if you know me personally, you know I prefer holistic cures that address the real root cause, rather than allopathic treatments that ameliorate the symptoms and ignore the cause. I walked into to the ER and called to the triage nurse, who was busy chatting with her colleague and watching some late night TV show. When she didn’t respond, I felt it was more important to use the restroom again than wait for her to acknowledge me. On my way back, she did acknowledge my presence and swiftly checked me in. Of course I was feeling better by then, but an EKG was done anyway and my heart rate was down to 106. My blood pressure and my temperature were checked – both normal, and she assured me that I did the right thing by coming in. Minutes later, after the doctor had examined me, she informed me that in addition to running a routine panel of blood work, she would also check my thyroid level as well as do a test to determine whether I had a blood clot in my lung. Oh, I hadn’t even considered that.

An hour after my blood was drawn, a different nurse came into my little holding area to administer Tylenol. But I didn’t need Tylenol, and I asked her why she thought I needed it. And this is what she said: “It will make you feel better.” “But I feel fine right now,” I said, “and I have no headache, or body aches, or anything that would require an analgesic.” She said “it’s safer than Motrin.” I reminded her that I am not in need of an analgesic to reduce any physical discomforts, because I was not experiencing any physical discomforts. She said to me “so, do you want me to cancel this?” I told her “yes, please cancel the Tylenol, and throw it away, because I’m not taking it.” This is a major bone of contention for me. It felt like a pharmaceutical assault, and I was not about to play victim. Too many drugs are pushed legally on too many unwitting participants in the game of pharmaceutical profit. A major bone of contention for me…

As I waited for my lab results to come back, against my better judgment, I submitted to a dose of radiation via x-ray to determine whether I had an enlarged heart. Standing there, it felt as if I was a character in a bad sci-fi film, and I could practically hear the music in the background, low, deep, and sinister… that sort of music the audience hears that warns them of impending disaster. After my lab tests came back, the doctor informed me that my thyroid level was low, which indicates an overactive thyroid (if the level is high, it means that the thyroid gland is pumping too hard to get even a little bit of the essential thyroid hormone secreted, and now it was not having to work so hard to secrete that hormone). So after 17 years of having hypothyroidism, I now have hyperthyroidism! However, the test to determine whether I may have a pulmonary embolism, however vague the meaning of the result, was elevated. So a CT scan was next on the agenda. So here I go again, back to radiology, to submit to an even more toxic assault on my body, with poisonous contrast dye ready to be injected into my veins. In retrospect, I should have refused the chest x-ray and told them that if the test to determine whether I had a clot in my lung was positive, I would agree to the CT scan, because after all, you can have a nice look-see at my heart that way too, and I could have avoided the extra radiation.

In any event, both tests were done, and both tests were negative for any problem. It was indeed my thyroid, as I had initially thought. So the nurse who tried to give me Tylenol for no good reason came back to remove my IV line, and she told me to continue taking my medications as I have been. I was quick to remind her that with a change in my thyroid level, my doctor would want to decrease my medication dose, and it may be actually dangerous for me to continue taking my mediations “as directed.” I’m pretty sure she didn’t like me, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t appreciate her very much at that time, either. When I worked in the hospital… ah, well, that’s for another time.

So the point to this whole long and drawn-out blog post? My nurse practitioner told me a few weeks ago that at some point, with all the weight loss and the incredible health I was enjoying, she would eventually need to decrease the dose of my thyroid medication. Now is the time, and she did, and I’m really sort of overjoyed! Because it just means that I have given my body a chance to heal itself with amazing super-nutrition, and my body, being the miracle that it was meant to be, isn’t letting me down. So my heart’s all a-flutter for so many reasons!

It's Not Just About The Jeans

Seriously, it's not a fluke. I put on my sweat pants today and I could have sworn they were baggier than normal. I'm thinking it's probably my imagination. They're sweat pants. They're supposed to be baggy. But even my sweater was drooping off my shoulder a little. That's odd. Whatever. So my clothes are a little baggy. So later on this evening, I wondered "what if... what if I'm releasing more weight... getting a little smaller in size... let's put this to the test." I walked into my closet and moved to the left of the rack, where my smaller sizes are kept. That's what I do. I keep the smaller sizes on the left and the larger sizes on the right. And the jeans are also categorized by color, as are my t-shirts. Call me crazy, or obsessed, if you want. I call that organized. I never have to wonder where a particular item of clothing is! But if truth be known, you should see my sock drawer. Not so tidy!

So anyway, I quickly found my size eight jeans that have been patiently awaiting my attention for, oh, months and months! You see, a couple years ago I carefully folded and tucked those jeans away in a box - not to be discarded or forgotten, but rather contained and preserved, like a mistress in waiting, dutifully biding her time until her suitor returned for her once again. But when I had finally reached my goal of size 12, for continued inspiration, I took out my size ten jeans and hung them up - by style and color. Left to right. And for giggles and grins, I released my size eights from the confines of seclusion in their turret. After all, that's where mistresses and ladies in waiting... wait. Or in the case of my jeans, in a box. But now they are on the rack in my closet, free!

With just a speck of ambivalence, I slipped on the size eights. Yes. I slipped them on. And zipped them. And buttoned them. And I examined myself in the mirror and thought "WOW!" And I did a little dance and sang a little song, and was just a little bit thrilled. But that's just one pair of jeans. What about the other two pairs. Let's just cut to the chase and let me tell you, they all fit beautifully! It's not a fluke!

You must understand something. In my 30’s and 40’s, my health took a nose dive, and my waistline expanded because of this. And then I became more and more unhealthy, and bigger, and more exhausted… until I reached a point of realization. I might very well die young if I don’t take control of my health now. So having been in deep depression for much of my adult life, feeling sick all the time, experiencing headaches nearly on a daily basis, and unable to sleep for more than 15 minutes at a time every night, and then not being able to fall back to sleep, among many other things… you can see now why I’m so overjoyed to be sharing this little victory with you. Maybe you can see now that I’m not just on a diet, and I’m not just losing weight. I’ve made a choice about how I feed my body. I am realizing my goals that I used to be too afraid to set for myself. I am living my dreams of having a healthy body that moves smoothly and glides through life with ease. It’s not just about the jeans. Every day I get to look at myself in the mirror and say “There you are! Where have you been for the last twenty years? I’ve missed you!”

F.E.A.R.

Recently I had the displeasure of being coached by a powerful and influential man. He called me because someone I know referred me to him, and she gave him my phone number. I didn't mind. I mean, oh my god, this guy who is busy and coaches for ten hours a day and conducts workshops and seminars and raises up millionaires called me on the phone. I returned his call right away. So he asked me how he could help me. I told him I needed guidance on how to be a successful network marketer. Then, after about 30 minutes of deep and painful questions, and five minutes of insulting assessment, I hired the guy. I didn't know why. I didn’t even know how much he charged. But what he said to me, how he assessed me, how he inquisitively probed my psyche and my soul... it really affected me. I cried. I was pissed off. And honestly, I didn’t like him one bit. But I was resolute. I didn't know why, but I knew this guy could possibly be what I needed to shake me up enough and force me to really look deep at the reasons I was holding myself back.

That's right, I said "holding myself back". I am my main obstacle to my success. My self-limiting beliefs are another obstacle. Maybe that’s one in the same. I don’t know, but I’m sure I’ll find out. I feared things, but what were those things? That night after he coached me, I had a dream, but that dream will be shared another time, perhaps in my memoir that I am in the process of writing. We'll see. But when I awoke the next morning, I experienced a clarity about something in my life that I had only considered half-heartedly, and thought that I had overcome it anyway, so why bother to consider it any further. Friday morning, the day after the coaching session, I asked myself "what am I afraid of?" Now when I have answered that question in the past, the answer has usually been "I'm afraid of failing." But then someone offered the suggestion that perhaps I was afraid of succeeding. No, neither of those felt right to me, neither of those resonated as truth in my soul. What am I afraid of... what am I afraid of... what am I afraid of...

I am afraid that it's true that I suck. I am afraid that it's true that I really can't do it. I'm afraid that I really don't have what it takes to be successful. I'm afraid that whatever I set out to accomplish will be just a pipe dream. I’m not a poker player, but I see my F.E.A.R. and I raise it "so what's next?" I felt my fear at that moment of clarity, and I know this to be true because emotions welled up inside me, a dread and a doom that I haven't felt in a very long time. I felt the feelings, and then I empathized with that scared little girl inside of me, and said "Okay, that's what's going on now, and it's okay that you're feeling these emotions, because it is scary and it is a little unsettling. Now, what’s next for you?” At that time, the adult woman inside said “I acknowledge you, scary fear-monster, and I set you free. I want peace in my spirit, at the core of who I am; peace and fear cannot coexist, just as love and hate cannot coexist.” And it was at that moment that I decided to release the fear and feel the peace of which I am so deserving, a peace that I haven’t quite entertained in the past. Yeah, I know, I have read Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson, Deepak Chopra, Eckart Tolle, and other spiritually affirming books. I’ve tried yoga. I’ve tried positive self-talk. And although continuing reading these types of books written by inspirational people will keep reminding me to sit in and with peace, only I have the power to keep myself there.

But one thing is certain: since feeling, empathizing, acknowledging and releasing my F.E.A.R., suddenly I was able to move through my day with a different kind of confidence, and, dare I say, a peace inside that fills me with a belief in what I do and the reasons I do it, and more importantly, a belief in myself. So, do I like the guy? Right now I don’t think so, but I do respect him. And do I think he’s going to rock my world? Absolutely!

Journey Of A Lifetime - Part 2

As you know, one purpose of my blog is to share some of my personal perspectives on things that are important to me at the moment du jour – thoughts that come from my heart and soul that move me. One of those things is my previously declining health and increasing weight. But these days, my weight has been drastically decreased, and my health is better than it’s ever been! I had my regular blood work done in early February, and when I went back two weeks later for the results, the nurse practitioner I see for all of my visits was completely shocked at my results. She asked what I had been doing, and I enlightened her. The reason she was shocked was that since my previous blood work, my HDL cholesterol increased 13 points, and my LDL decreased by 11 points! She told me “that’s unheard of!” When I reminded her that I am not using any cholesterol lowering drugs, she leaned forward and said, more emphatically, “I know! That’s unheard of!” And this is sort of funny, because just a few years ago, when I was experiencing a little bit of chest pain, my doctor sent me to a cardiologist for a “full work-up” which included a thallium treadmill test, some fancy heart scan, and an echocardiogram. One funny thing about that experience was that they could not find any plaque buildup in my arteries, my heart was pumping perfectly, and I passed the treadmill test with flying colors. The other funny thing about that visit was that despite all those perfectly glowing test results, my cardiologist still felt the need to prescribe a cholesterol-lowering drug for me because, as he so bluntly put it, “you’ll never be able to lower your cholesterol on your own.” I said “watch me.” And just so you know, I never took the drug. The samples he gave me ended up in the trash.



I had previously been using a nutritional cleansing system but had stopped for reasons I won’t go into just yet (those things will be reserved for my book, and frankly, they are too sad to bring up now). I knew how powerfully beneficial those products were, and how they had transformed my health. I lost a whole bunch of weight and five pant sizes! After I restarted those products in March 2009, my health became transformed yet again! One of the nurse practitioners I see actually said to me “I want to be as healthy as you are!” Seriously, I have had no flu, no cough, no cold, no sinus infection, no sore throat, no headaches, no muscle or joint aches, no sleeplessness or tiredness, no mood swings, no getting up in the middle of the night drenched in sweat! None of that anymore! All of these problems which I previously endured for 15 years or more of my life – stopped dead in their tracks! My blood pressure was even starting to creep up into the 130’s/80’s. And now, my blood pressure is right back in a nice, normal healthy range of 110/60’s! And let’s just say, the results of my blood work have pleased my doctors and nurse practitioners! I have no plans to go back to that cardiologist in the future! (if you’d like more information about the system I am using, feel free to send me an e-mail: beth@TheHealthySpirit.com).

Signs... and Other Odd Phenomena

Used to be that I believed if it rained on your wedding day, it meant that you would need to carry an umbrella... not that it meant good luck. Or if you broke your mirror, then you would need to invest another few dollars in a new looking glass, lest you continue to view your face in several alternative realities simultaneously. Never really believed that it meant you would have bad luck for the next seven years. It was only in the last few years that I began to realize that the universe whispers in our ears messages that we are supposed to hear.

Yesterday morning, I was a bit rushed to get out the door to make it to my hair appointment in time. So I threw on the first clean t-shirt I could find. I put it on and realized it had a very faint blue-tinged ring, about the size of a silver dollar. It was not a blob, or a spot of any kind; rather, it was as though someone took a thick marker and drew a somewhat irregularly shaped circle on my shirt, directly over my right breast. I was in a hurry, so I wore the shirt anyway. Upon arrival to my appointment, as I took my seat belt off, not only was the circle more pronounced, there were TWO circles, interlocking, as if some mysterious message was being emblazoned on my shirt by alien beings designing a new crop circle. That's odd, I thought. And a bit of a bummer, since I really like this t-shirt, and now it's not good for much more than wearing around the house.

But tonight, as I took the wet laundry out of the washer, I noticed another favorite shirt had the same mysterious circle - directly over my right breast. I read recently that if we do not take time to listen to the whispers, then pretty soon we'll be forced to listen to the screams. I do not need to be reminded again. It's time for my annual mammogram.

Pescetarian - NOT Presbyterian

I thought I was a vegetarian. Did you know that vegetarians do not eat fish? I did not know that! I was of the belief that if one did not consume bipeds or quadripeds, then one would refer to oneself as a vegetarian. Someone told me recently that I'm a pescetarian. I decided to do a little research, so I consulted Wikipedia. What a wonderful resource that is! According to Wikipedia, vegetarians consume a plant based diet which includes grains. I do not consume milk, eggs or honey either, so does this make me a vegan? However, although I do not drink milk, I do eat some forms of dairy, and there is a very high-quality dairy product in my protein shakes. So does this make me a lacto-vegetarian? Apparently not.

Who am I, then? I suppose I am a pescetarian, which falls into the category of semi-vegetarian, one who consumes fish and sometimes other seafood, but not bipeds or quadripeds. So technically, although this term is not listed in Wikipedia, I may be referred to as a lacto-pescetarian, one who consumes a largely plant-based and grain-based diet with fish and other seafood delicacies to be enjoyed ad libitum, in addition to some forms of dairy, but not milk.

So that settles it! From here forward, I will refer to myself as a lacto-vege-pescetarian... that's pescetarian, not Presbyterian! And I'll have a glass of your best chardonnay to go with that, please!

One of Those Days

Today is one of those days. Did you ever have one, you know, a day where you feel enlightened and inspired and busy and tired and successful and a failure and driven and slothful, all in the same breath? Today is one of those days. What do we do with days like those? Are we supposed to choose one way to feel and then go with it, whether we believe that feeling or not? Or is it a better idea to crawl into a hole and just wait until we feel more like poking our head out into the world and saying, in our tiniest of voices, "hi... um... yeah, it's me again, I'm still here", hoping someone hears us, and takes our hand and pulls us out of our hiding place, presenting us to the world once again?

Ever have one of those days where you just don't know what to do or which direction to follow? I mean, seriously, even the wind is blowing in six different directions. How on earth am I supposed to choose a direction to follow? Even if I did "go where the wind blows," I'd be going in six different directions. But if history is any kind of a teacher, I should know by now that when I have a day like this, it's usually just a day like this, and tomorrow probably won't be a day like this. Perhaps my soul feels unsettled and unheard. Perhaps I've been moving off a path that I am supposed to be following. Maybe, just maybe, I haven't even stumbled upon the path of my destiny, and my soul is stirring in anxious anticipation, waiting for me to get a clue.

Maybe... but I think I'm just having one of those days.

Shifting

On January 25, 2010 a major and unexpected shift occurred in my life. It felt a bit surreal, actually, when it occurred and I proclaimed it to the universe. All I knew at the moment was that it was true, and I didn’t question this shift. But I did wonder whether I would cave, and go back to my usual ways. That has been my experience in the past – I used to give up easily. The shift was unlike anything I had experienced before. There was a palpable heat behind my proclamation, a passion you might say. There is something called “a priori” knowledge. This is knowledge that is not learned in the traditional sense of books and classroom education, nor is it learned by life experience; rather, it is an innate knowing of sorts, a knowledge deep within the soul. On the day of my proclamation, I knew this to be true. My new truth is this: I am a vegetarian. This is to say that I decided on that sunny Sunday afternoon that I would no longer consume animal meat or eggs. However, I will still consume fish and shellfish. Now, remember my earlier statement in a previous post about baby steps. That’s what this is – a baby step toward even greater health and enlightenment.

For years I have known about the unjustified and often brutal mistreatment of animals raised for food, but I turned a blind eye in favor of a juicy garlic burger slathered in a variety of dressings and condiments and dripping with thick cheddar cheese. It took just one more graphic story to bring me to the tipping point and push me over that edge of decision. Please do not ask me to reiterate the information that was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Suffice it to say, I no longer crave that burger, or any other red, white, or pink meat whatsoever. Six days later, I eliminated coffee and cow’s milk from my nutrition regimen, in favor of black tea with agave nectar. Since these items have been banned from my bodily experience, I have developed an unusual, earthy sense of calm, and I have noticed that the symptoms associated with my asthma are beginning to wane. In addition, I have been sleeping without pharmaceutical assistance for nearly a week. Now whether some or all of these little victories are due to the black tea, or to the acupuncture, or the herbs prescribed by my acupuncturist, I do not know for certain. What I do know is that my taste buds have come alive and are experiencing food on a whole new and exciting level. A major shift has occurred, and it feels good. Very, very good.

Excuses (Part 2)

What exactly is a valid excuse? I can think of a handful of “valid” excuses for not taking action steps toward building my business – the earth cracked open and swallowed me up; the mushroom cloud over my house terminated my internet connection; or other more devastating scenarios I will not offer up to the universe right now, or ever, for that matter. So really, I have no valid excuse for not taking one baby step toward reaching my goals. It got me thinking about the excuses I have been using for not stepping it up a bit regarding my journey to better health.

I consume the best, most pure nutrition on the planet. I’ve released 30 pounds so far, and what an accomplishment that is for me! But I haven’t yet “kicked it up a notch”, as they say. I should really be moving, exercising, getting my blood circulating. I could go for a walk, but I don’t have time. Yoga! I could do yoga in my living room, but not on the rug my dog peed on recently. My mentor and friend, Mindy, asked me the other day if I belonged to a gym. Of course not! I’m not stepping foot in a stinky gym and standing in line for a treadmill or a weight machine. It’s counter-productive to my goal to just stand there. I can sit on my sofa and get the same result! Mindy asked me what my next step was. I just blurted out “I’m going to start walking, and I’ll start with 15 minutes”. But oh how I detest the city-zoned, man-made walking trails in my neighborhood (I’m talking about the sidewalks). Put me on a rocky and challenging hiking trail in Sedona and you’ve got my attention. But cement trails that wind around a suburban neighborhood just isn’t spiritually uplifting to me.

But I made the claim. I can’t go back on my word. It is not in my nature to do so. So I must live up to the claim stated to Mindy and to the universe, to the promise I made to myself. So this morning I did it. I took a walk. A 22-minute walk. This is a big deal for me, so please don’t judge me for walking for only 22 minutes, and not 22 miles. I exceeded my goal. It’s a step in the right direction. It’s a baby step. I’m making progress. I’m not making excuses.

Excuses (Part 1)

A week ago I dined with millionaires. It wasn’t intimidating at all, really! I sat there, hungry as all get out because I hadn’t eaten since 7:00 that morning. At 12:30 I sat down at a table. Staring back at me was a lovely little dinner roll partnered with a teaspoon of perfectly rounded and slightly ruffled butter. The dinner roll was mocking me as I waited patiently for my table to fill before lifting it off the plate and devouring it. A lovely couple sat next to me and my husband and introduced themselves. Then two lovely people sat across from us (those were the millionaires of which I was speaking). Everyone chit-chatted. All I wanted to do was eat. Soup was served, but I was pretty sure I wouldn’t like the soup. So I tucked into the bread. The millionaire sitting across from me was asking me why I hadn’t built up my business more than I had. She was offering advice, I was offering excuses. I couldn’t think – I was famished! When is lunch going to be served?

The more little tidbits of advice she offered, the more excuses I offered. In retrospect, perhaps I should have listened intently and taken copious notes. Because she is, after all, a self-made millionaire. “Are you working with your upline sponsors?” she asked. “No, I’m not because I don’t have time” (oh, good one, yeah, what else do you have?). “Are you on the weekly team calls?” “Well, no” I answered, “those long distance calls are expensive, and we’re down to only one job” (you go girl, you’re on a roll!). “Don’t you have a flat-rate calling plan?” And by now I’m getting ticked off, because all I’ve had to eat was bread and water. I’m still waiting for the main course. She tells me to get the Magic Jack and that will reduce my monthly bill. 

With every excuse I offered as to why I hadn’t gotten into action, I felt myself floating up out of my body looking down at this pathetic looser wearing my new size ten slacks, looking pretty slick, if I do say so myself. I hear this floating person ask (what else you got, come on, you’re really good at this, lay another excuse on her!). I don’t know what floating Beth is talking about! These are valid excuses! (that’s it, that’s the winner – a “valid” excuse, oh stop, you’re killing me!) . Lunch is served, but would you believe that it’s the same salad I ate the day before that gave me an upset stomach? I’m outta here. I can’t eat this, I need some decent protein.

It took three days for it to sink in. Valid excuses – seriously?

Journey of a Lifetime

I've been shaking my life up lately. Over the past five years I've been on a journey of spirit and health. Not so much a quest - an intention to seek, although I do consider myself a seeker of truth. The journey started in late 2004 when I literally had to squeeze myself into my oversized office chair that sat in the office in my spare bedroom. I was working from home as a legal nurse consultant. Something just wasn't jiving in my life. The job didn't fit, I didn't fit. Not only did I not fit into my chair, I didn't fit into my life. Let there be no misunderstanding here – the only thing that did fit was my relationship with my amazing, loving, peaceful husband. He was and always will be my rock.

At the end of 2004 I weighed 220 pounds (I'm only five feet and a quarter inch tall). I was 41 years old. OLD. Not only did I not recognize myself in the mirror, I no longer recognized my spirit. In fact, it felt as though my spirit had up and left my body, leaving me in a shell of despair and certain that I would never again live, in the truest sense of the word. How I arrived at this destination of misery and discontent is unimportant now, because in January 2005 I took the first step on the journey of a lifetime, a trek in the mysterious jungle of insecurity and fear, and I forged forward.

Little did I know where that journey would lead me…

How Do You Feel Today? (Part 2)

Despite the impurities in food and water, and those chemicals that you ingest every day of your life, there is a way to not only release them from your body, but in doing so, you will be able to become more energetic, healthier, leaner, sleep better, have clearer skin, look and feel younger than ever, and feel happier than you’ve ever felt in your life. When your body is cleansed – every last cell in your body – you make it possible for your body to become the miracle it was intended to be! You make it possible for your body to fight disease, to heal, to slow down the aging process. Did you know that creaky joints and achy muscles, hearing loss, hardened arteries and bowel problems are NOT a normal part of the aging process? They only occur when our bodies become toxic and malnourished. Did you know cancer cannot thrive in an alkaline environment? Did you know that even our drinking water has become acidic? We strive to drink more water to facilitate an alkaline environment in our bodies. But the water itself is acidic and defeats the purpose! When you choose to cleanse impurities from your body and then feed your body super-nutrition, you are giving your body a fighting chance against the chemicals and free radicals that attack your cells daily.

I know I’m healthy. There’s no question. On a regular basis I cleanse my body deep down to the cellular level. I feed my body the cleanest super-food available. I’ve never felt better in my life!

How do you feel today?

How Do You Feel Today? (Part 1)

The information I received this weekend made my head spin! When I heard what is in our food and water, I became nauseous. Then I learned that when the USDA certifies food as organic, they place a minimum standard on it. Did you know that the definition of "free-range" is this: chickens that are kept in coops must be allowed access to a plot of land, and that plot of land is a 5 foot by 5 foot patch of dirt... and that the "free-range" is only allowed when the door of the coop is open, which actually is not often? Did you know that cows that are considered organically raised must have "access" to the outdoors, but that "access" is only a window through which light shines? And all along I believed that the chickens and cows that produced the food I consume were being allowed to peck and graze in a grassy meadow all day and breathe fresh air…



Did you know that bottled water is nothing more than tap water! Did you also know that water contains chemicals I can't even pronounce, let alone remember!? And that same water is loaded with prescription medications such as antidepressants, antibiotics, and countless others that have been improperly disposed of? I don't know about you, but personally, I am attempting to get OFF of my medications! I don't need this stuff gaining re-entry to my body!


We live in a world where everything we touch, or touches us, is toxic. We live in a world where we are led to believe that the food that we put in our bodies is good and healthy for us, and is clean. I LOVE to eat! Food is one of the great pleasures in my life. I love the medley of flavor and texture on my tongue. I love that "party in my mouth" experience! I have no plans to give up food! But what if I did give up food, knowing what I know now? Wouldn't I starve? Probably. But the truth is, even if you don't give up food, you're starving anyway. Want to know why? Because fruits and vegetables grown today are nutritionally bankrupt. The vitamin and mineral content has become depleted, because produce is grown in soil that is dirty. Okay, stop right there. I'm not even making a joke. It's dirty because it's over-farmed. It's dirty due to the use of pesticides and fertilizers. I heard an interesting story from a marine yesterday. He said that while he was stationed overseas, he was given processed food for meals, which included some sort of meat product. The soldiers thought it would be a cool experiment to take that meat and toss it onto the ground. Do you know what he said next? He said that over time, the meat never rotted, and there was never as much as one bug on that meat. Now seriously, if bugs won't even eat that meat, you think I'm getting anywhere near it?

Blogging - Who'd Have Thought?

Until a year or so ago, I thought a blog was a spec of schmutz on your face. Or a smudge on your eyeglasses. Forever I have believed journaling was for talented and seasoned writers with the ability to creatively and magically weave a tale before our eyes, with a well-respected list of best-sellers to their names. This just was not me. No. Never. Who on earth would want to hear what I had to say? I don't even possess the ability to verbally articulate my own thoughts sometimes.


But as the years went on, and more and more thoughts began to accumulate in my head, I realized I had a lot of clutter up there. I was hanging on to so many ideas and passions, and I just had to share them with someone, anyone who would listen. Then, against my will and better judgement, I was introduced to social media. I was told I could connect with friends, and it was fun, really it was! Okay, whatever you say. I joined Facebook. Can I just say "hi, my name is Beth and I'm ...". Get the picture? I started writing notes on Facebook and sharing them with everyone I know. I'm thinking, this is fun, and a little bit scary. Here I am, sharing my deepest thoughts and feelings with however many people are on my list of friends. I'm peeling back the protective armor of my vulnerability. And it's all good. A few of my friends have started their own blogs. They have something to say, and share with the world. And here I go thinking again... I'm thinking, I have something to share with the world too. And it's worthy, and important. Some of it is critical. Some of it is supportive. But all of it is mine - to share.

It's time to blog, baby!